Couples & Marriage Counselling

What does couples counsellinghelp with?

Couples come to counselling at Brisbane Counselling Centre at very different points, and for very different reasons.

Recurring conflict

• The same argument on a loop, with no resolution
• Criticism, defensiveness and stonewalling
• Fights that escalate faster than either of you intended

Broken trust

• Recovering from an affair or emotional infidelity
• Secrecy around money, messages or substance use
• Promises made and not kept

Disconnection

• Feeling more like housemates than partners
• Loss of intimacy, or mismatched desire
• One or both of you quietly wondering whether this is it

Life transitions

• Moving in together, engagement, or marriage
• Having a baby, IVF, or the transition to parenthood
• Postnatal depression affecting the relationship
• Blended families and step-parenting
• Illness, grief, or caring responsibilities
• Retirement, or children leaving home

Distance and pressure

• FIFO rosters, shift work and frequent travel
• Long-distance arrangements
• Work stress and burnout spilling into the relationship
• Financial pressure

Differences

• Parenting styles and decisions about children
• Money, spending and priorities
• Extended family and cultural expectations
• Different long-term plans

You don’t need to be in crisis to come. Some couples come to strengthen something already working, or to prepare for a transition before it affects their relationship.

How do you work with couples?

Psychologists and counsellors use structured, evidence-based approaches rather than open-ended conversation.

In practice that means the couples counselling usually begins with an assessment – a joint session and an individual session with each of you, before any plan is proposed. Your therapist then gives you both feedback on what they have identified and suggests where to start.

The approaches used at our Centre by the psychologists and counsellors in attendance include:

• Gottman Method couples therapy – the most extensively researched approach to couples’ work
• Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) – working with the emotional cycle underneath the argument, rather than the content of the argument itself
• Attachment-based therapy – understanding how each of you learned to seek and respond to closeness, and how those patterns meet in your relationship
• Schema-informed work – for long-standing patterns that predate the relationship and keep reappearing in it
• Systemic couples therapy – looking at the relationship as a system, including the wider family and cultural context around it

Your therapist will recommend an approach based on what is happening in your relationship to tailor the therapy for you.

What happens in the first session?

The first session is about understanding the pattern, not resolving the argument.

Your therapist will ask about how things are now, how they got here, and what each of you would want to be different. Both of you will have the opportunity to speak. Nobody is asked to make a case, and your therapist is not there to decide who is right or to take sides.

You may leave with an initial sense of what is driving the cycle, and a proposed plan for the work. It is common to feel some relief after the first session and also to feel that things have been stirred up or feel a little raw – both are normal.

Couple counselling sessions run for one hour for most practitioners. If you would prefer longer sessions, please ask reception when making your booking.

What if my partner won’t come?

This is one of the most common questions we hear, and the answer is more encouraging than people expect.

Reluctance is usually not indifference. It is more often fear of being blamed, scepticism that talking will change anything, or a worry that the therapist will take sides. Naming that directly with your partner – and being clear that the goal is understanding rather than a verdict – often shifts things.

If your partner still won’t come, individual work is genuinely worthwhile. Relationships are systems, and when one person changes how they respond within the pattern, the pattern itself changes. Many people start alone and their partner joins later, once they can see there are benefits from counselling.

You can read more about approaching a reluctant partner on our blog.

What if we’re not sure whether to stay or separate?

Some couples arrive at counselling before they have decided whether they want to stay together – often with one partner leaning out and the other wanting to repair.

Standard couples therapy assumes a shared commitment to the relationship, which makes it a poor fit when that commitment isn’t there yet. Discernment counselling is designed for exactly this position. It is short, deliberately time-limited, and its purpose is not to fix the relationship but to help you both reach a clear, considered decision rather than a decision made in a bad week.

All of the practitioners in attendance who see couples offer discernment counselling.

Can we recover from an affair?

Yes, frequently – though it takes time and it is not a straight line.

Recovery generally moves through three stages: managing the immediate crisis, understanding how the affair happened without excusing it, and consciously rebuilding trust. Although it may surprise you, it is possible to recover from an affair and for your relationship to improve and become healthier than it was before the infidelity. Many couples describe the relationship afterwards as more honest than it was before, though nobody would choose this route to get there.

If the partner who had the affair won’t attend, individual counselling still helps. See our affair recovery page.

How much does couples counselling cost in Brisbane?

Couples sessions at Brisbane Counselling Centre are $290 to $370 for a one-hour session. The fee depends on which practitioner you see and reflects their qualifications and experience in relationship work. Our reception team can tell you about the exact fee for any practitioner before you book.

Medicare does not rebate couples or relationship counselling, even when it is provided by a registered psychologist. This is a rule of the Better Access scheme rather than a decision of ours, and it applies at every practice in Australia. It is worth knowing before you book.

Some private health extras policies do cover couples counselling. Check with your fund and ask which item numbers apply.

If one of you has an individual Mental Health Treatment Plan, individual sessions forming part of the broader work may be rebatable. Our reception team can explain how this works. See our fees and rebates page.

Therapy can help

Speaking with a trained professional who cares can help you work through any relationship challenges you might be facing, allowing you to determine more effective ways of functioning within your life, both as an individual and a partner. Even if you aren’t struggling but would still like to learn more about improving your relationships, psychologists and counsellors at Brisbane Counselling Centre can help.

Couples can approach their appointments with a therapist on a session-by-session basis; some couples find enormous benefits from just one or two one-hour sessions. Others choose to engage in more in-depth therapy or pursue individual counselling around other, often past issues.

If it’s a professional, consistent and caring affiliation you seek, and you are interested in learning more about how Brisbane Counselling Centre can assist you with your relationship, the Brisbane psychologists and counsellors are available to help. Please call to speak with one of our friendly team members to discuss your needs further.

Related articles